My four-year-old son came home from preschool a few weeks ago and announced that he wanted to have a Halloween party.
I responded with a non-committal “MMM-hmmm.”
But then he dropped the bomb, “And I’ve already invited Michael and Kyle.”
My head snapped up, and my eyes grew round as pumpkins. I realized that this soiree was already well under way. Little kindergarten and pre-K hearts might be broken if my little party animal continued to invite school chums, and we didn’t actually have a party for them to come to.
Another parent may have taken a tough love approach to this pronouncement and told him to un-invite his buddies — with a big apology! — before their heads filled with visions of dancing candy corns, candy apples and … well… more candy.
But I, spookily enough, have party baggage. I have a sweet memory of being a little girl deciding that I wanted to have a party. Now.
I went door to door in my apartment building inviting pals to the bash that I announced was going to be held in my apartment. (It was a different era, when little girls could run around an apartment building by themselves while their mom watched their two little sisters.)
I put on the tablecloth and set each place with a cupcake wrapper filled with candy in lieu of plates of “real” food.
And then my guests started arriving, some in party dresses. And they were bearing gifts! I was delighted!
Luckily, my mother — although shocked by the stream of neighbors’ children that started to pour into our home — was charmed that I had this crazy idea and pitched in to make the gathering a success.
Later, she did sternly explain to me that I should have made it clear to my friends and their parents that this was just a PRETEND party – and not my birthday!
Whoops!
So of course, there’s no doubt in my mind that genetics have played a role in my latest assignment as co-host of an impromptu party for the Backyardigans set. And this time around, I’m happy to take a backseat role as stage manager and let my little party planner direct the action. I was surprised — and impressed, of course — that he had already formed concrete ideas of what he absolutely had to have at his own Halloween party:
• His friends and his cousins MUST come
• A piñata filled with candy
• Candy apples
• And no grown ups (Sadly, I did have to deny him this request.)
And if you’re like me, you don’t have much extra time on your plate for the planning and implementation of a party. But life should have as many celebrations as we can shoehorn in! And this would be my baby’s first party with FRIENDS, which ratcheted up the excitement a notch or two above the usual family birthday parties. So here are the party planning steps I followed to help us get everything done that we wanted to do — and joyfully anticipate the event together.
Thirty days in advance
• Determine your guest list. How many are you inviting? Most experts agree that with a birthday party, you’ll want to invite the number of children that are equal to your child’s age — plus a couple more, tops. My son is 4, but we ended up inviting eight children. That number included a few school chums (I made him stop inviting after three!) and four cousins.
• Pick your venue. With eight children, their parents, and our son’s grandparents, we thought we could manage to comfortably entertain everyone in our home and backyard. As long as we had a beautiful fall day, it was a perfect plan.
• Pick your time. Playdates and parties at this age can quickly go into a downward spiral of overstimulation and tears. So experts recommend limiting the event to a couple of hours. You’ll also want to pick the time of day that your child will get the most enjoyment out of the party, so don’t schedule it for his naptime and be surprised when he’s throwing candy apples at his cousin’s head.
• Send your invitations! Personally, perhaps because I’m in the business, I LOVE paper! The invitation conveys a lot about the event to the recipient — it will be casual or fancy or fun. You can buy them, handcraft them or design them online. If you can, send an invitation that matches the theme of your party. We sent owls with wings that opened to reveal the event details. This was another step I could enjoy with my son. After I addressed the envelopes, he put seals on the back and stamped each one.
Make sure to give all of the standard details, like what kind of party it is (example: Pool Party Birthday), where it is (address), date, time, RSVP number or email so guests can not only let you know whether or not they can come but also contact you if they have questions.
I also made sure to write on the invitation that there would be food and games outside, so parents could dress their munchkins accordingly, and that it would be a costume party.
There are also many great websites like evite.com that enable you to easily send out a lovely invitation and easily keep track of the guest list. It’s also a much more cost-effective option than purchasing invitations and stamps.
Two to three weeks in advance
• Determine your menu. Are you making the food yourself? If so, plan the menu and start writing that grocery list! Because our house would be full of guests, I planned a menu with lots of make-ahead dishes that I could set out buffet style. That way, the parents could help themselves, while I entertained the kids.
Another tip for a house party is to set up a punch bowl for the adults, so you’re not running around making a dozen different drinks while a child wanders out of your yard. For the same reason, I planned to fill a self-serve plastic cauldron with ice and juice boxes, chocolate milk boxes and mini water bottles for the kids.
• Prepare a game plan. You want this kids party to stand out from a regular playdate, so plan to include some games. My son had his heart set on a pumpkin piñata. We made our own, and it turned out to be an amazing bonding experience. As we both dipped our newspaper strips into the goopy flour and water paste, my son turned to me with his big brown eyes and said, “Mom, I love you.” Sigh.
One week before
• Make those favors! We knew we would be sending all the kids home with a party favor bag full of piñata candy, but wanted to do a little something extra to thank everyone for coming. So we made clear glycerin soaps with plastic bugs inside them. Aside from an air bubble or two, they came out looking great and could not have been easier.
• Clean and de-clutter your house — and in our case, the yard, too! If you’re having the event off-site, give them a ring and let them know the number of guests and go over the party details, and ask if there’s anything else you need to do. (Example: If they don’t provide the cake, make arrangements to do it yourself or place an order.)
• Put some feelers out to see if you can get some additional help on party day. Can someone else take photos and video, while you play the host? Is there someone who would enjoy running one of the games?
Day before
• Prepare food! Find table linens! Find serving dishes and utensils and label them. I know it sounds nerdy, but it really serves as a nice system of checks and balances. With labeled serving trays at the ready on party day, you are less apt to forget the eggs in the fridge, because you’ll have a plate on your buffet that reminds you: “deviled eggs.”
• Sweep through the house and stash clutter, banish dust, run the vacuum.
• Go to bed! Try not to stay up all night fussing over every last detail. They’re kids! They probably won’t notice. Of course, they are also kids that have parents that are coming to your house for the first time, but try to get some shut-eye. No one wants to ring the doorbell to see a puffy-eyed grump on the other side.
Party day
Get up early and get in touch with your inner Martha. You’ve done all you can to prepare, and now it’s important to put on a big, relaxed smile.
If you’re having fun, so will your guests — and your child.
Lisa J. Curtis is the proud mother of the best son in the world. She has been the host of numerous events at the Film Society of Lincoln Center and covered innumerable bashes, balls and soirees as the arts and entertainment editor of the Brooklyn Paper for nine magical years.
