May is the month to appreciate our mothers and grandmothers. We make a special effort to show our love and gratitude this time of year through our words and actions (and, for good measure, a beautiful bouquet doesn’t hurt!).
But a more and more homes include family members who have autism spectrum disorder. Many of these individuals may rarely convey to their mothers just how much adoration and love exists within their special bond, and those moms can use some special recognition.
Mothers of children with special needs work tirelessly day in and day out for their children.
Their work includes motherly duties of love, providing food, shelter, clothing, tenderness, and teaching.
But standing atop of that mountain is a pressure-cooker filled with speech and language goals, fine- and gross-motor coordination activities, functional life skills, opportunities for generalization, natural environment teaching moments, sensitivity and awareness for siblings and peers, team meetings, workshops, parent-training visits, data collection and analysis for behavioral outbursts, and so much more.
It is a world that involves these mothers’ front doors opening and closing continuously to allow for professionals to enter and exit. Between those times it is the mothers who hold everything together.
It is a motherhood that requires patience; patience that includes waiting an entire summer while an 8-year-old child learns to imitate waving.
It is a motherhood that requires grace; grace that includes calmly handling a very loud 10-year-old autistic child in the supermarket while every other adult in the surrounding area glares. It is a motherhood that requires fortitude — courage and advocacy mixed together in a cake bowl — that has to be at an all-time high level from the time of diagnosis throughout adulthood.
It is a motherhood that requires connectedness; connectedness means constant networking, attendance at workshops, fund-raisers, classes, and more.
It is a motherhood that requires a realistic view of accomplishment; accomplishment can easily mean her child learning how to tie his shoes at the age of 19 after working on this skill for more than 300 hours. It is a motherhood that requires balance; balance between caring for all members of her family, herself, and a person with special needs who naturally requires just that much more.
We should all remember to honor our mothers each day, and especially on Mother’s Day.
This May, if you know a mother or grandmother who has the personal privilege of having a family member with autism spectrum disorder, or individualized personality, acknowledge her. Take the time to wish her a happy Mother’s Day.
These are words she may have yet to hear from that special person in her life.
