March Cover: Getting Real with Rosdaly
Bronx mom Rosdaly Ramirez on becoming a SAHM, babywearing, career shifts and finding her village
Four years ago, Bronx mom of three Rosdaly Ramirez finished her last semester of graduate school with baby #2 in tow – during a pandemic. A month later, she made the tough choice to put her career on hold and become a stay-at-home mom. For three years, she navigated the grief of saying goodbye to something she never thought she could achieve, while at the same time embracing a new role in motherhood she never knew she needed.
Pardon the alliteration, but Rosdaly is REALLY relatable. How many of us have grappled with taking a financial hit to stay home with the kids versus continuing down a career path that started long before having kids was even a thought? In fact, as I sit here recounting my conversation with Rosdaly, I am fresh off my own bombshell decision to prioritize motherhood over a highly demanding job, despite the economic toll it will take on my family. To say I can relate is putting it mildly.
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Throughout her time as a SAHM, Rosdaly began creating content about motherhood and parenting life, and to the shock of no one, her videos resonated deeply with other moms. And let’s be honest, this city doesn’t need another phony Instagram mom faking a smile for the camera, carefully curating the illusion of a life she can’t afford, and spreading toxic positivity around the internet like mold on bread.
Authenticity played a major role when Rosdaly amassed a sizable social media following, a community of strong, like-minded, empathetic women to share highs and lows with. A visit to her Instagram page (@iamrosdalyramirez) reveals a colorful mishmosh of empowering thoughts on motherhood and married life, mixed in with more lighthearted content like apartment redecorating tips and exciting places to the kids in the city.
She also fell in love with babywearing as a SAHM, and now teaches a free babywearing class to other Bronx moms, in addition to often posting about her passion for this bonding activity that changed the trajectory of her transition to stay-at-home motherhood.
Rosdaly made another big decision recently, opting to return to work in a whole new career as a mental health therapist. I chatted with the Bronx native about this new change and the journey that led her there.
Looking back, what was the hardest part about making the decision to pause your career for motherhood?
The identity shift. For a long time, I prided myself on being a working mom. I was at the peak of my career—I had just graduated from grad school, my job offered me a raise that doubled my previous salary, and I finally felt like all the hard work I put into earning my Master’s was paying off. I remember the week I graduated, so many of my classmates were sharing their next steps, and I turned off my camera (we were in the pandemic) and began to weep.
I felt so much shame admitting that I was going to transition to being a stay-at-home mom. I spent my last semester breastfeeding while writing papers, changing diapers, and showing up to class—and that was celebrated. But the moment I couldn’t or didn’t want to do both, it felt like the applause stopped. Suddenly, I was one of those moms people ask, “What do you do all day?” That first year, I grieved a lot, but I also bloomed into a mom I never knew I could be.
What do you wish more people understood about a career pause or the choice of going back to work as a mom?
We don’t talk enough about the sacrifices moms make. I’ve navigated both sides of this. People often assume that stay-at-home moms are privileged enough to make that choice or that working moms freely choose to return to their careers. But the truth is, many stay-at-home moms choose to be home with their kids over their careers, even if it means cutting back financially—which, in a city like NYC, is incredibly hard. Many can’t afford childcare, and while there are low-cost or free early childhood programs, the requirements often mean you have to be living in poverty to qualify.
Many moms don’t have a village and can’t afford to pay for one. There’s no affordable preschool, after-school care, or babysitting money. And let’s not even get started on how trauma impacts the way you seek outside support. Many moms rely on government assistance (as they should), and they don’t live in brownstones or houses—they live in regular apartments, just like me. The same goes for moms who work outside the home but wish they could stay home with their kids. They often don’t have a choice.
You’ve built a strong community both online and in person—how did that start, and what keeps you motivated to continue?
When I first became a mom, I had two mom friends, but they were stay-at-home moms, and I was working. I was also experiencing a lot of anxiety and sadness that I couldn’t understand. It was the most beautiful season of my life, yet I was depressed. I started sharing online about motherhood and the thoughts I was having, hoping someone could relate. Slowly, moms began following me and messaging me about their own experiences. It’s crazy how often we think we’re the only ones struggling.
I became friends with many of these moms, and my online community kept growing. What’s kept me sharing for so long is knowing that other people feel encouraged—but really, they’re the ones encouraging me. I don’t always know what I’m doing as a mom—ha! It’s been seven years, and it feels like I’m learning something new every day. What I do know is that moms need community, whether they find it online or in real life. It helps you feel seen. I’m working on launching an in-person community for moms this year, and I can’t wait to see the village that grows from it.
Motherhood can be overwhelming. What are some ways you take care of your own mental health while supporting others?
Motherhood is overwhelming—it’s a feeling I’m still trying to navigate, and I’m a therapist! Even therapists that are moms struggle. What really changed for me was pinpointing what parts of motherhood make me feel overwhelmed. Identifying those triggers made it easier to communicate what I needed.
Here’s the truth: you have to communicate what you need. In this season of life, it’s really hard for me to go outside with all three kids alone. The times I’ve tried, I’ve had the worst anxiety. I remember texting my husband and saying, “New rule: I either bring two kids outside, or it’s all three and I need help.” I wouldn’t have done that three years ago. Yes, pushing through is good, but knowing your limits is also healthy. Sometimes you have to be okay with not meeting other people’s expectations or doing what you see other moms do, even if you’re drowning.
More practical ways I take care of myself include setting boundaries around my alone time. I’m thankful my husband is strict about that. If I ask for downtime, he makes sure the boys don’t wiggle their way into the room. If they need something, they can ask Dad, or I give them a time when they can approach me. During postpartum, I also had a “shower every day” rule—sometimes even the baby joined me. The goal was to feel refreshed and nurtured. Eating, drinking water, and staying connected to my community go a long way in supporting my mental health, so I make those things part of my routine.
How did baby-wearing help you through postpartum depression, and what do you wish more moms knew about it?
Oh man, it healed me so much. I had a NICU baby who was only four pounds, so I couldn’t wear him until he met the weight requirement for carriers. It wasn’t until he was two and a half months old that he finally fit into one. He had other health struggles, so I avoided it for a while. At four months, I started wearing him, and something clicked. It was the only time I wasn’t anxious, which encouraged me to leave the house more and have little city adventures with him. Bonding with him in that way allowed me to enjoy motherhood in a way I couldn’t before. I wish more NYC moms would baby-wear. The city is still trying to become more baby-friendly, and baby-wearing makes it so much easier to get around. I teach a free baby-wearing class through a Bronx organization, and I love teaching moms about why they should wear their babies and the history behind it.
Your husband, Ruben, seems like a strong partner in parenting—what’s your approach to teamwork in marriage and parenting?
Partnership. We’re on the same team. Whatever I’m lacking in, he picks up, and vice versa. We fill each other’s cups.
One of the biggest killers in parenting is believing that your partner isn’t on your team or isn’t willing to be on your team. Partnership takes work. Sure, we fight and disagree on things, but we also understand that if we don’t work as a team, we won’t win. For us, winning means that at the end of the night, after our kids have gone to bed, we both feel loved, seen, and supported by one another.
What advice would you give to moms who are struggling with their identity while raising their children?
Learn to be grounded in the identity you give yourself, not the one others or society gives you. Some seasons, you’ll feel like “just a mom.” Other seasons, you’ll feel like “yourself again.”
It takes time to embrace the shift, and truly, you’re always growing and changing. The important thing is not to let what you’re doing define who you are. I dislike terms like “working mom,” “stay-at-home mom,” or “crunchy mom.” There’s something about these labels that create division, which I think contributes to the struggles and judgment mothers often experience. We’re all moms, just mothering differently and in different seasons. When you compare yourself to other moms or feel like you’re not enough, you’ll struggle with your identity. There’s a lot of beauty in rediscovering who you are now as a parent—embrace it.
What’s a moment in your motherhood journey that makes you feel proud of YOU?
Anytime I do something I told myself I would never do, it gives me a sense of pride as a mom. It’s the small and big moments—whether it’s the first time I left the house alone with all the kids or earning my Master’s with a toddler and a baby.
Okay, now the fun stuff. Can you share a few of your favorite kid-friendly places?
Bronx Children’s Museum: As a Bronx native, having a children’s museum in our borough is something I always want to highlight.
Alamo Drafthouse: I love their baby-day movies. It’s great for new parents who want to watch movies in a baby-friendly environment.
Play Street Museum: The Upper West Side play space hosts Night at the Museum Family Date Night, where parents can come hang with their kids, have dinner and be part of parenting discussions – led by me! Learn more at playstreetmuseum.com.
Follow Rosdaly Ramirez on Instagram @iamrosdalyramirez.
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