I’m convinced moving is like childbirth: we forget how painful it is or we would never do it again.
We recently moved three short blocks to a larger apartment in our neighborhood. I was really attached to our old place: it was our first home in Brooklyn, the place we brought our daughter home to from the hospital, where we watched her reach the many milestones of her first year and a half. As excited as I was to have more space, I was sad to leave our old home and worried our daughter would share my attachment issues.
About a week before the move, I started talking about the transition. We were doing renovations on our home-to-be, so I talked about how “Baba” (her dad) was working at the new house. I got out some packing boxes, and she helped put things in them (or, more often, pull things out).
Then, I read something on our local parenting listserv that suggested creating a book about your move. When I ran across a shopping bag of empty notebooks while packing, I grabbed a black Sharpie and gave it a try.
I sketched the stages of our move with a few basic images and stick figures (note: I am not artistic). I started with a sketch of our current building, adding arrows to point out the floors where our friends lived. Next came some boxes with a few of her favorite things being loaded into them (toys, loveys, pj’s, etc.). Then there was an entire spread dedicated to the moving truck. The book concluded with a picture of our new building–stick figures of Mama, Baba and toddler smiling from the stoop.
My daughter didn’t mind my lack of artistic talent. She loved the book and asked to read it over and over again. Whether or not she really understood, I don’t know. My hope was that it might make things click for her once we were in our new home.
I thought our daughter would be uneasy or cautious in her new surroundings. At the very least, I thought she might have trouble sleeping the first few nights, but all of my worrying was for naught. When our daughter returned from a visit to Grandma’s two days after our move–and for her first official welcome to the new home– she was so excited to see her bed and all of her toys that she didn’t seem to notice we were under a new roof. Because we had visited her new room before we moved in and arranged it just like her old bedroom, she felt comfortable right away. My takeaway: Kids are better masters of detachment than their parents.
And though I thought I would have lingering attachment to our old apartment and struggle to settle into our new place, once the moving truck arrived and our belongings were loaded, the old apartment no longer felt like home. My energy shifted to setting up our new home where we would continue making wonderful memories as a family.
Here are some tips to help your toddler transition to a new home:
● Visit your new home in advance and, if possible, show your child his/her room.
● Start talking up the move a week in advance. Be sure to mention any surprises that might be waiting in your new space (for example, a new toddler bed or a special training potty).
● Send your child to stay with a grandparent, friend or relative during the move–and have them stay overnight if possible. This will keep them out of harm’s way during the chaos of packing and moving and allow you to set up his or her room first.
● Set up your child’s room so it’s as close to what he/she is used to as possible.
● If you use blackout shades, measure the windows and order shades in advance so you can have them installed immediately.
● Sketch out a short book with stick figures to explain your move. No artistic talent required; keep it simple. You’ll be surprised how interested your toddler is in your “moving story.”
● Remember: children are resilient and adaptable–the move will probably be harder on you than them.
