Reflections On The First Year

It was recently my daughter’s first birthday, and I find it hard to believe how quickly time has gone by. Was it really just 12 months ago that I was eating spicy food and going on long walks hoping to induce labor?  How is it possible that the six-pound, 13-ounce baby who changed my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined wasn’t even here last year?

When I look back on the first year of Ella Jane’s life, my heart is full of pure love, joy and amazement. I can vividly remember those first days at home, having no clue how to handle a little baby, and hanging onto every word the baby nurse said.  (I was even taking notes on how to change a diaper and swaddle a baby!) I remember how fragile Ella’s little arms seemed when I changed her undershirt or put her in the sink for a bath. And I’ll never forget that zombie-like feeling I had from getting up a couple of times through the night to feed her.

I’m also proud of myself when I look back at those early days and how I handled them.  I tried not to get easily frazzled, really tuned into my daughter’s needs and learned her little ways, and even got back into exercising six weeks postpartum.

As each month has gone by, I’ve watched my daughter grow and change.  She went from drinking two to six ounces at a time, outgrew her sweet footsie outfits and moved into “big girl” outfits like stretch jeans and cardigans, and experimented with all different kinds of foods. I smile thinking back to her first big laugh, when she rolled over for the first time, or when she was able to finally pull herself up to standing. Just this past month, I looked at Ella and wondered, “Where did my baby go? In front of me is a toddler!”

My mom used to tell me she enjoyed every stage of my growing up and I am trying to keep that in mind as Ella gets older. There is part of me that mourns the time when she would just peacefully fall asleep on my shoulder (no chance of that happening now) or when I could just leave her on the activity mat and know she would be there when I returned (now she is a girl on the go).  But I know this amazing journey has just begun, and while I loved Ella’s first year and the baby stage, I can’t wait to experience all that is yet to come.