Going back to work when my daughter was just four months old was difficult for me. I had known before going on maternity leave that I would return to my job, but after so much time at home with my baby, we had gotten into a nice routine. Ella and I would go for walks through Central Park, meet my new mom friends for play dates, and take a Baby and Me yoga class once a week. Her little personality was really starting to coming out.
Fortunately, I was offered a very flexible work schedule (with a pay cut) that consisted of three days in the office, one day at home, and one day off. But even with this great schedule, I knew balancing motherhood and a career was not going to be easy.
On the first day back at work, I felt pretty good. I was comfortable leaving Ella because I knew she was in good hands. I had interviewed over 10 nannies and settled on a loving, kind caregiver for my daughter. What I didn’t account for was how much I would miss Ella throughout the day. I had a strange feeling I was missing something: Did I leave my wallet at home? Did I have my keys? It was none of these things, of course. It was simply that I was used to having my mini-me with me at all times of the day. Being without her felt like something wasn’t right. I checked in continually with my nanny to see how Ella was doing. I still wasn’t convinced that I could be away from her.
But as the weeks went on, I realized it was nice putting on makeup everyday and going out to lunch without pushing a huge stroller through a restaurant. And it was nice to have some help at home making the bottles, doing the baby’s laundry and tidying up all the toys after a day’s play. (I’d love to say my husband helps out with these chores, but he has other redeeming qualities!) Plus, being at the office for three days each week allows me to cherish every minute I do have with my daughter when I am home the remaining four days of the week.
As great as work has been, there are challenges. My daughter is an early riser, waking around 5:3oam on a bad day and 6:15am on a good day. Which means I am up for about three and a half hours before I even step foot into the office. By the time I sit at my desk, I feel like I’ve had a full day: I’ve played with my daughter, gotten her dressed and fed her breakfast. When she goes down for a nap around 8:15am, I have my own breakfast, shower, and get dressed. By the time I leave the house at 8:45am, I’m ready for a nap myself.
And then there are those days at work when I am doing something that I find monotonous, like making copy edits to our website, and I think, is this really more important than spending time with Ella? But other times, when I’m writing an article for a local publication or I’m at a conference with my colleagues, I remind myself that I have a rewarding job that I love.
The work/home balance is going to be a constant battle, especially as Ella gets older and realizes that Mom is going off to work when she steps out the door and won’t be back until the end of the day. For now, though, I’m up for the challenge. I’m taking it day by day.
