I’m 38 weeks pregnant and this means one thing: I can go into labor at any time now. The baby is fully cooked and could make an appearance whenever he or she feels like it. Once I wrap my head around that exciting but nerve-splintering fact, I start to think about my hopes and expectations for becoming a parent. Like anyone who’s given impending parenthood its rightful consideration, I have seemingly endless wishes for what kind of mother I will be. But I can narrow down that list to five big yearnings.
1. I want to be a happy and present parent. I don’t want to worry about dishes in the sink, a growing “to do” list, or fulfilling any obligations (sorry, friends and family!) except that of being a mindful parent. I think this will be my biggest challenge because I tend to focus on the immediate future instead of the immediate present. Rather than giving so much brainwave airtime to task-oriented questions— like: “What do I need to accomplish in the next 72 hours?” or: “What will we eat for dinner tomorrow?”—I want to put stock in ideas focused on the current, like: “How can I better appreciate what I’m experiencing right now? or: “How do I feel in this exact moment?” With a baby around, I don’t want to miss out on what’s going on when he or she is changing on a minute-to-minute basis.
2. I want to take time off. But then I want to get back in the game. As a freelancer, I have a lot of flexibility when it comes to my work schedule. Still, it’s tempting to stay the course and keep accepting assignments rather than taking a full three months off to enjoy my newborn and new life. So I’m committing myself to at least 90 days free of work—no strings attached. But then I’d like to figure out some work-life schedule that meets my creative and intellectual needs as an adult. As much as I want to spend time with my baby, I also want to allow myself the job fulfillment I feel after publishing a story.
3. I want to nurse my baby for at least six months. Every single one of my friends with a baby has had difficulty breastfeeding. I’m more than aware of the challenges. Still, I want to give it the old Girl Scout try.
4. I want to work on my marriage. This might seem slightly off topic when thinking about what kind of mother I want to be, but I’ve come to realize how easy it is to let your significant other take a backseat when work, chores, and such always seem to get in the way. When a kid is part of the picture, it will be easier than ever to let my husband fade into the distance. But our marriage, and we as individuals, deserve time and attention to enjoy one another. Weekly lunch or dinner dates, along with an episode of whatever our current TV obsession may be, is a must.
5. I want to make new friends. I’ve always been the type of person who thinks three or four close friends, plus a few handfuls of acquaintances to chat with at parties, is more than enough. But I anticipate that motherhood is going to change my tune when it comes to making new friends. I’ve already been surprised at how eager I am to connect with other pregnant women. And I’ve even struck up a few new friendships with pregnant or new-parent wives of my husband’s friends and coworkers. I hope to be open to making more new friends, especially those who are going through the same harrowing life experience: becoming a mom.
Whitney C. Harris is a freelance writer living in Westchester, NY. She is due at the end of August. Find her at whitneycharris.com.
